Small prayers

Today is a day of small prayers.

 

Some spoken with a smile.

An old friend who lives in another country has been staying with us this week.

Thank you, Lord, for long chats and honesty.

 

Where she lives they only have electricity a few hours a day.

Thank you, Lord, for a refrigerator and the miracle of leftovers.

 

I’m feeling overwhelmed and the kitchen is full of dishes.

Thank you, Lord, for our half-size dishwasher.

 

Mira begs all morning to go to the playground.

Thank you, Lord, for the parks in this city.

 

The schedule doesn’t go as planned and we need to get back home quickly, but we walked.

Thank you, Lord, for the conveniences of taxis, even the ones that overcharge us.

 

Some spoken through tears.

Mira plays that her dolls are a big sister and a baby sister.

She would have had a baby sister now, but she does not. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

There is a pile of baby stuff waiting to be packed away, unneeded.

I would have been using this, not storing it. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

I’m packing away maternity clothes that had been stored here.

I would have been so happy to be putting these away, not brokenhearted. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

Some with both.

Yesterday was my due date. Today marks 3 months since the moment we learned there was no heartbeat. Both have been beautiful days in a stretch of grey, cold weather.

Thank you, Lord, for beautiful sunshine to draw my heart out of dark places on sad days. The day is still sad. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

An innocent question from Mira knocks the wind out of me emotionally, and I have 5 minutes to pull myself together before she’ll need me again.

Thank you, Lord,  for the calming ritual of sitting quietly with a cup of tea, and the freedom to do so. I wish I didn’t need it so much right now. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

The sunshine and new spring, the Word, and time are healing me. But I am not healed yet.

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.