Girl meets Boy

I was in school, training to head overseas, on my way out as fast as possible. I was headed overseas for who knew how long and not looking for any sort of relationship, because really, how would that make any sense?

Enter Benjamin Wright.

Ben will probably tell you (I’m guessing) that we first met in October. I don’t remember that at all. What I remember is him walking up the first day back at class for my second semester and saying, “Hi Shanna.” To which I responded, “Am I supposed to know you?” …Probably a less than encouraging start.

So when he showed up at the weekly swing dancing event I went to with a friend I remembered who he was. And was impressed that a guy would show up on his own.

I think the first time I really noticed him was at a game night where the conversation turned to finding a good church. His desire to find one quickly and spend time investing in relationships there, and the  determination and diligence with which he approached the task caught my attention. I remember thinking to myself, “I need to hang out with this guy. Maybe some of that will rub off on me.”

So I commenced hanging out. And the more hanging out that happened, the more I decided I kinda liked this hanging out thing. And then I started hanging out on purpose. With just him. And then I decided this was maybe a bad idea, and I should hang out with him less, because sometimes I freak myself out for no apparent reason.

But about that time he apparently decided he liked hanging out with me too. And told me nice things in Russian on the dance floor. And invited me to go on a hike. And asked me if I would consider dating him. (Really he just hit a couple of weak spots. Seriously? Dancing, Russian, hiking? I never had a chance, and can therefore not be held responsible for anything that followed.)

So we started dating. Well, at least I started dating him. He didn’t start dating me ‘til several hours later because apparently my response was terribly unclear. (It wasn’t. Really.) But once we’d gotten that cleared up, we started ‘dating.’ A couple days before Valentine’s Day. (For those interested, this isn’t really highly recommended. It can make for some kinda awkward Valentine’s Day conversation. Lucky for me Ben can be pretty smooth. And knows how to cook. And we like similar movies.)

But then I moved away, with about two days’ notice, and our relationship became phone calls and emails and weekends snatched here and there. And Skype (probably way too much Skype.) It gets more difficult to have daily Bible study together when your schedules are completely opposite. Our relationship became a lot about talking, a lot about finding balance, and a lot about missing. But in some ways we know each other better for it.

Meanwhile families were met, letters were exchanged, serious conversations were had, silly inside jokes (and languages) were created, and we figured each other out. Some. There were ups and downs and rough patches and serious thinkings. Times of not talking in an attempt to get heads on straight, to figure out where we really were. Times of spending too much time talking (since we both had lives going on at the same time) trying to work through things. Times of spending too much time talking just because we enjoyed it.

There was a time he told me “I love you,” and I responded “I was afraid you were going to say that.” (Protip: generally not a great response.) Followed by a time of explaining why I couldn’t say that yet.

For me there was a lot of figuring out what I wanted, whether or not I was what he wanted, what love means and is supposed to look like, what’s actually important in a relationship, where God and his will fit in all this, why, why, and more why (sort of about everything.) Suffice it to say there was some confusion. Days that I was certain, and days when the only thing I was certain about was my own confusion.

But eventually I reached that point, after some serious thought, a lot of prayer, and a long drive with certain sections of the Bible on repeat, that I could return his “I love you,” and mean it fully. Mean that I will stick by you whatever comes, that I will choose to love you every day, whether I feel like it or not, love with the best reflection of Christ’s love that I can have, in the only way I know how. I could say it and not mean “I have lots of these emotion things,” but mean “I’ve made a choice to love you, even though you’re not perfect, even though I’ll end up hurt at some point, even though the sacrifice required might not be grand and heroic, but small and everyday. I will learn to forgive, to not think it’s all about me and what I want or ‘need,’ to love you when I don’t feel like it.” I had to realize that the “love” I’d been trying to figure out, that I thought was different from the kinds of love I already knew and understood wasn’t really different after all. It was the same love, just expressed as fully as possible to another human being. Which has a lot more to do with perseverance and patience, and compassion, grace, and forgiveness than it has to do with (notoriously unreliable) butterflies.(Note: that might have been the last thing he expected in that particular conversation. And the look on his face when I said it was priceless.)

That was hardly the only thing I had to figure out though. There was also that whole “I’m supposed to leave the country in a few months” thing, and figuring out how that fit. And there was figuring out if I really meant the commitment part of that “I love you” thing.

But time, prayer, wise counsel, good friends, and Ben’s patience helped make sense of all those. And when Ben  and I went on hike on those same trails one weekend and went up to the tree house where we used to sit and talk about life and us and God I knew what was coming. (He’s maybe not as sneaky as he likes to think he is. But shhhh don’t tell him.)

What I didn’t expect was how much he proved how well he knows me. He gave me a puzzle, (most of you may not know this, but I have a minor obsession with puzzles) made up of photos of places important to us, and with each photo was a statement. “Because…” followed by things about us related to that place—from the silly (Because we can have a nerd competition) to the serious (Because you push me to go deeper into the Word.) He only gave me half the pieces though, and the spaces spelled out “Marry Me?” And there was kneeling and a “yes” and emotion things and a turtle ring in a puzzle box that he laughed while I fought to open.

And while there’s been more since then, and who we are as an us keeps changing as it grows, and will probably continue to do so, that is where I’ll end this little story.  It’s much condensed (though it might not seem like it by the time you’ve read this far.) And it’s only the first chapter. I hope you’ll keep up with us as we keep seeing where the story will lead us though. After all, the pen is in the hands of the master storyteller.

Vow:

I, Shanna, in faith and love, take you Benjamin to be my husband, to love steadfastly, serve faithfully, follow humbly, and trust wholly. I will seek your good before my own. I will seek to honor you in your own eyes and before others. I will regard you with respect, and live with you in patience. I will not insist on my own way, but in humility submit, as Christ submitted to the Father even unto the cross. If I ever stumble I will seek forgiveness with humility, and I will offer forgiveness with an open hand. I give myself to you, today and every day, to be one flesh, one household, one love. To live with in unity, whatever may come, in steadfast faithfulness, to walk with throughout this life until God in his wisdom and good time parts in death what he has joined in life and we are reunited in him.